Oleh
Assalamualaikum,

I wanted to write so many things, get it all off my chest,but-

I couldn't.


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Breadcrumbing

Oleh Catat Ulasan
 Assalamualaikum, Wah, this issue is like the bane of my existence la sia. Shit Why do I attract this kind of behavior in people? Is it my fault. Hahhhh (screaming politely) Maybe I should really start to realize that I should love myself first before anyone else. I'm trying so hard to love myself. But shit is hard sometimes T_T I try so hard to be better, to like myself more. But sometimes I feel like why do I keep up this weird "identity" that at the end of the day I can feel deep inside that it's not really me. Why do I keep this facade while inside I'm dealing with tremendous turmoil that is eating me alive. Hence, I let people do whatever it is to me. Like breadcrumbing, and eating that shit like I'm desperate for people's approval. Yeah, yeah. I know I don't need nobody's approval for me to live. But somehow, I crave it. Especially from people that has special place in my heart. Like, I want to be praised so bad by them. But when they do, I g...
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Trauma Didn't Made Me Stronger,

Oleh Catat Ulasan
 Assalamualaikum, A few days back, while scrolling socmed (I don't remember which one tho lol), I found this one quote that really struck me and it hits home like wtf this hurts so bad. Also, afterwards while clearing my mail/drive, I found a lot of photos/videos that I didn't even remember taking. "Trauma did not make you stronger, it gave you memory loss" That sentence, let me tell you. It was like a slap of reality to me. I was thinking, "no wonder sometimes I don't remember what had happened in the past. I don't remember ever doing that thing or going to that places" I was like, well shit. The old mails, photos and videos didn't help too. I was like "huh??" all the time because I genuinely cannot remember at all. And all over again, I'm experiencing anger, sadness and confusion all at the same time. I'm angry that my mind decided to wipe off those memories from me. I am sad that I know I must have been happy at that moment t...
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Crashing Out,

Oleh Catat Ulasan
 Assalamualaikum, Semenjak dah masuk umur tiga-siri ni, aku rasa aku sangat-sangat malas nak berteka-teki dengan orang. Maksud aku, if I need something, I will definitely tell out-rightly. Tak ada masa nak bagi hint ke apa. I'm an open book. Everything is laid out for you. This week (third week August 2025) has been weird for me. Like, what the fuck? Got sick. Reached out. Cried for help. Literally. Then I crashed out. Cried alone in my car thinking "why?" I held out my hand for you to take it because I was drowning. But you didn't reached out. You let me be drown in my own tears. I suffocated. My mind, is a really, really, really dark and cold place. Shit hurts so bad I cannot think of anything. Tengok video baby dekat TT pun nangis camgampang. Argh I'm so stressed out. I hate this version of me. Why eh. Why do I give people so much power over me ?!!? My cortisol level is off the roof, I need to chill. Maybe I will disappear for a while. It'll be easier to pi...
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